It’s OK to Say “No”

Today my attention was called to the pink tiara that sits on a shelf in my office. As I was passing the shelf, the tiara really “brightened up” and then I heard the words, “Treat yourself like a queen”.

This tiara came from the funeral of one of the moms in our neighborhood. (She loved tiaras and to honor her, tiaras were handed out ~ and almost every person there wore one.) The church was filled with all the people she new from work, the neighborhood, family, and all the different things she volunteered for. She chaired some very large community events. I hope doing so brought her joy, but it may also have brought stress and exhaustion.

So, it felt to me that my little tiara wanted to remind me that I need to take good care of myself. We all need to! We need to let others pitch in and help; to say “no” to some of the requests we get; to take time for ourselves.

“The Queen” has a very important role, so of course it is important that she does not wear herself out. It is the same for us. Let’s face it…how many of us have significant others who suggest that we take a break to have lunch with a girlfriend or to schedule a spa treatment? Probably not too many! We really just need to do these things on our own, at our own request, so that The Queen is taken care of and stays in tip-top shape (physically, emotionally and spiritually).

Perhaps instead of the fully-balanced meal that you might typically prepare for your family, you could choose to make something easy (like scrambled eggs) for dinner now and then. This could give you an extra hour to spend sitting out in your patio with your favorite beverage and that steamy novel you’ve been trying to find time to read.

I’m sure you could think of lots of ways you could take care of “The Queen”!

(However, if you find yourself feeling guilty or having some internal struggle, you may want to schedule an Angelic EFT session with me to clear and release those limiting beliefs and emotions. We often feel one way consciously, but down deep inside something else is going on.)

I love how Spirit orchestrated this with the tiara! I had promised that I’d share in this blog the second half of the article that was in my last blog: “Saying Yes to Yourself”. (If you missed it, you can read it here.) It all ties together so nicely!

It’s OK to Say “No”
Learning to say “no” can be challenging for many of us. It’s in our heart to give, so we often give to others more than to ourselves.

It took me years to realize that saying “no” was OK. Like many of you, I’d feel guilty (for not helping out with school functions, community events, social or family events, etc.)

We fear that saying “no” will change people’s opinion of us … or even cost us a friendship, but in fact it’s quite the opposite.

To find balance and joy, we need to set limits on how much time we can give, and on work we can handle. Failing to address your own needs stretches you too thinly, and does nothing to support your physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Far from being selfish and mean, setting limits is a healthy act of self-respect.

Taking a firm stand might be difficult at first. But by being calm, clear and direct, you can learn how to set limits and create the kind of balance in your life that honors your own needs and wants.

If you are asked to take on more responsibility than you’d like, you could say, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I will have to say “no” because I’m overloaded at this time.”

If the request is an offer, but you’re not comfortable with it, you could say: “This sounds like a wonderful opportunity, but it’s not right for me.”

The next time you are struggling to say “no”, think of a way to compromise.

If you’re too busy, say: “I just don’t have the time to do a good job for you right now. If you could wait a few weeks, I’d be happy to help you then.”

Or, “Sure, I can help you with this new project, but I will have to stop working on this one.”

Don’t be afraid to say “no”. Say it politely or lovingly and you will gain respect for yourself and of others. It will also give others permission to do the same.